I found this unacceptable, and pointed out all that I had done for her over the last few years, the last few months, and especially the last fortnight. I told her that if I'd left her in her flat down South two weeks ago she'd have died alone soon.
She looked at me and said: "I bet you wouldn't be sorry about that."
I was shocked and hurt. How could Mum think that of me?
I had to leave the house to think for a while. I went for a drive and telephoned someone very close to me. She told me that only those we really love can hurt us that badly. It took a long conversation to reassure me.
I came home a few minutes ago. Mum was in the bathroom. I walked into my Study to find that Mum had managed to spill her sticky medicine all over my mouse-pad and keyboard. She denied it. I told her to come in here and see the evidence. I walked out onto the landing to bring her in and she screamed: "DON'T throw me down the stairs!"
Again... how can she think that I would do that?
I feel stunned. I don't know what to do. It's now getting on for midnight and I know I should have started driving South hours ago, but I feel paralysed, feel like I have to reassess everything before I can start. I need to work everything out from first principles. The picture of the world that I had is in pieces. I need to work out if I want to tape it back together the same way or go for a different view. Does that make sense, or is this just exhaustion talking?