Thursday, 31 January 2008

careful what you say

I rang Mum last night and we had a really good conversation, one that was somehow more lucid than usual. 

Perhaps that's why I dropped my guard and I told her that I was going to come and visit this weekend, told her what I'd bought for her and would be bringing with me.

Silly Greg.

First there was the 6am call. Then the one at 8:30 on my way in to work. Then, later in the morning, one of the Care Home staff calling me to ask what time I was planning to arrive...

How many times does it need to happen before I learn? The future is always today with Mum now.


Matt said...

I've been readint your blog for a few weeks now, I think. I'm almost embarrassed to say that I'm glad both of my parents have passed away. I don't know that I could be strong dealing with what you are going through. But - one always surprises one's self. Instinct just takes over and you do what needs to be done.

You are a commendable man.

Greg said...

Thank you, Matt. You're absolutely right that, even though it can seem overwhelming at times, you just get it done somehow because no-one else will. I don't feel particularly strong, but sharing the agony with the world does seem to make me stronger for some bizarre reason or another.

I'm not sure I feel commendable, though. There are plenty of times when I've resented having to stay put and not realise my ambitions to travel, something I KNOW I need to do to grow and heal. Even though my Parents left this country and spent decades overseas while their families aged and died, I just haven't felt able to abandon Mum. And the truth is that, up until last autumn, I haven't coped all that well with her, and I've been shamefully blind to much that is obvious now that I look back in this blog.

In a way, they HAVE passed away. My Dad died about 9 years ago and Mum is ... well, she's not Mum any more in many ways.

I'm tired... it's probably not a good idea for me to be writing all this.

Thank you so much for your kind words. You're a good man, yourself, to take time out of your day to reach out to me.


Matt said...

I think I understand ... although I haven't truly been in your situation. I think you are commendable if only in the fact that you are trying to help your Mom. I know that is difficult enough on its own.

Big hug to you.

Sorata said...

You're probably back by now, but drive safe!

Greg said...

Thanks, Humphrey. I did get back safely after a tiring day. I'll write it up once I've got some distance from it.