Friday, 18 September 2009

will he be there when we get home?

Our relatives, D&G, visited Mum yesterday.

D was a bit glum on the phone this morning. She said that it had been saddening to see Mum so confused and lost for words, that there had been less of the "woman she was" there.

As usual, they had eaten lunch together in the restaurant downstairs from Mum's flat. At the end of the meal, when they were getting up to leave and take her up again, Mum asked, "Will Greg be there when we get home?"

For me, that one little sentence is so rich with pathos that I can hardly bear it.

If I was counselling someone else in my position about this I would probably try to reassure them that they were at least remembered and wanted. But it doesn't help. I just feel so desperately sad.


karen said...

Hi, my mom ask where my dad is all the time and I have to tell her he is a work. He is not because he passed along time ago. But some days she just waits for him to come home all day I think. I wish he was here too.

citygirl said...

Awww Greg, you are making me tear up! I think it is so lovely that your mom remembered you and was asking/hopeful that you'd be there.

My mom never asked for/about me once. I think you should embrace this and smile (even though I totally get why you feel so desperately sad and I know I would too despite my own advice!).

Greg said...

I actually went back to bed today, feeling overwhelmed, and slept until 5pm. I'm worried that I'm struggling with depression again.

This particular story is really minor compared to other non-Mum-related concerns that I'm facing right now. But, when I'm stressed, a little thing like this can weigh heavier on the scales and this morning I felt Mum's dependence on me as a burden. Now "burden" is a loaded word in our family and I swore I'd never use it. I only do so with the caveat that my exhaustion was distorting my perception of the situation.

maz said...

(((Greg))) keep strong.

maz x

pablo said...

I feel for you & totally get why you are sad. My mother-in-law never acknowledged my wife. As a matter of fact, she would argue that she never had a daughter. It was sad & heartbreaking to hear that.

I agree with CityGirl, just embrace it and smile. Holding on to the idea of what my mom-in-law used to be only made me sad & depressed. What I've realized now that she has passed is that in me wallowing in my sadness & loss - I missed who she was in that moment.

Goog luck & my heart goes out to you.

citygirl said...

Hey Greg, I'm sorry I missed your comment 2 days ago. Bad reader/commenter.

I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I used to sleep quite a bit too as it was a way to escape my depression and issues.

What else is going on for you? Will you write about it here?

***big hug***

LSL said...

Greg, this is so difficult. I'm sorry. Sending lots of hugs and thoughts.

Greg said...

Thanks Everyone. I'm going away for a week (if I can get out of my front door) to see if a change of scenery lifts my mood.

BigAssBelle said...

I hope that it did . . . "Desperately sad" is the perfect descriptive. It seems impossible to be any more sad, in any more pain about it, and then we are. ((((Greg)))) :(