determination

Yesterday, I had pretty much decided that I wouldn't be able to cope with Mum if I took her home with me. I couldn't even face the prospect of the long journey, stopping at every service station on the motorway for Mum to visit the toilet. But last night, it came to me that I couldn't leave her here in this condition alone. Also, practically, if I didn't take her up with me now then I'd only have to come down again... and soon. Suddenly, my worries about how I'd cope with my job while caring for Mum melted away and I even had an impish thought about taking her into the office with me so that I could 'spread the joy'.

We had a horrid cyclic conversation about what would be done about Mum's dog. One minute she'd be happy to hand her over to me or another relative. The next she would tell me that she'll die if separated from the dog. I got the feeling that this wasn't going to get resolved, so I suggested that we went to bed. I hadn't slept more than 3 hours the night before, and that was after a day's work and a 7 hour drive, so I was e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.

Mum walked into my bedroom at 1 am.

Mum came in at 2 am, wanting to talk to me about being invited to join the local Rotarians.

Mum turned the light on in my room at 3 am.

At 5 am, Mum poked her head in the room and asked if I was about to use the shower.

After that I was so full of fury that I couldn't sleep. Mum has kept me from sleeping the whole night and, because I am back at work tomorrow, I have no option but to drive up North today. I would never drive in this condition, but I'm going to. If I die on the road, I'm taking her with me.