goldfish

Mum's apartment is so dark, she needs the lights on even on a mid-summer's afternoon. Her apartment is at the back of the development, so naturally the developers felt no need to spend any money on planting where no prospective buyers would be looking. The car-park is heavily landscaped and planted in comparison. Mum's view is of about 5 feet of mud and then a wall. Cheekily, the managing agents have introduced a gardener who will plant up the bare earth outside her windows at her expense.

Mum: ....and the gardener is so good. I mean he's re-planting the whole thing for free
Me: Well, he's charging you £300 for plants, isn't he?
Mum: (angrily) He's not charging me! The only thing he's asked for is £300 for plants!!!
Me: ?


Mum: I just heard the door click. I wonder if it was my neighbour. I often leave my door unlocked and he just lets himself in.
Me: Yes, you really ought to remember to lock it
Mum: (outraged) I HARDLY EVER...EVER LEAVE IT UNLOCKED. It's just now and then...